After a stretch of about 50 sober days I started drinking in December, 2015. It is only now that I am seriously attempting to get sober again. The night before I left Italy to go back to Canada for a few months to visit friends and family the guy I’ve been dating asked me if I had a problem with alcohol. He is the first person that I’ve talked about my problem with face to face. It was hard. I felt so raw and vulnerable. In order to explain how my problem developed I also had to tell him about my past. Depression, heart break and failure. He dropped me off at the airport and I had to hold back tears for the entire 12 hour journey back to Canada. I wasn’t sad that I had to leave him. I was embarrassed that I had just told him all of the things I’m ashamed of. I had dumped all of my baggage on the table for him to see. I really liked this guy and felt like he would run away now that he had seen the real me. I felt naked and raw and helpless.
Telling the truth and being honest has actually brought us closer together (even though we are now further apart). And after talking with some old friends I am feeling better and more confident about life in general. I’m staying with my parents for three weeks, in my hometown. I had run away from this place four years ago. I had run a catering and restaurant business that eventually led me to a nervous breakdown. I felt shame and embarrassment when I closed the business and I never dealt with those feelings. I just ran away across the country and started drinking heavily. I am going to try and deal with these feelings in a healthier way while I’m home now. 7 days sober.